We often describe teenagers as ‘hard to reach’ or ‘disengaged’, but what if the truth is that they have learned to expect rejection and are acting accordingly?
When a young person has never felt they truly belong, self-protection can often look like defiance, withdrawal and anger. Often, beneath these behaviours is a much quieter question – will anyone stay? Riley’s story invites us to look beyond behaviour, understand what is driving it and consider what can help to shape trust, identity and courage needed for young people to believe in a different future.
Meeting Riley
“If I thought the worst, then nothing could be worse than the worst”
Riley first came to Jamie’s Farm at 14 full of energy, enthusiasm and an uncertainty about where he belonged. Growing up in care meant that Riley frequently moved and experienced fractured relationships, as well as the feeling of displacement. At school he struggled with exclusion and feeling misunderstood, forcing him to build a protective hard front to shield himself.
“They didn’t bother even letting me in, in the beginning because they thought I’d just be sent out straight away, so they just sort of gave up. And I think in that point I gave up myself because I knew the staff and the teachers just weren’t, they weren’t going to give me the extra help I needed and they just didn’t have time. And I feel like they just turned my behaviours into negative, which some of it I did take out negatively, but I think that was me trying to figure out how to ask for help without asking for help.”
For Riley, school started to feel like a place where people had already made up their minds about him. Looking back, he explains that some of this behaviour teachers saw as ‘acting out’ was really his way of trying to signal that he needed help, even if he didn’t know how to ask for it.
In busy classrooms, behaviour can quickly become the focus, while the story behind it goes unheard. As Riley explains, what looked like “acting out” was a plea for support.
The turning point
At Jamie’s Farm, Riley encountered something unfamiliar: adults who listen without any judgment and expectations grounded in care rather than control. Taking care of the animals before breakfast, cooking for others and working in a team helped to create the responsibility Riley needed, to see his confidence grow.
Now aged 20, Riley has successfully completed his apprenticeship at Jamie’s Farm, where he was able to share his skills and support younger visitors who he often felt he could see himself in. The role helped him to build resilience as well as giving him a growing sense of purpose, something he struggled to see before.
Time spent outdoors and practical tasks offered structure and calm for Riley. For the first time, he experienced community not as something temporary, but as something he could contribute to and be a part of. Through responsibility, connection and purpose, Riley began to lower his guard and rediscover his sense of worth.
“I want young people to be able to come to me and talk…and not feel like I’m going to ignore them or walk on”
His words capture the impact of being truly heard, and the powerful desire to offer that same safety to others.
Listen to Riley’s full story
Riley’s journey is one of courage, honesty and transformation. In this episode of ‘Shift Happens’, he shares what it felt like to grow up without stability, to navigate his identity and to slowly learn that trust and belonging are possible.
Listen to the full episode here
